No one will ever know how much I cared about you.
I’ve been thinking about you for the last 24 hours… or more. It sucks that I can’t really talk to anyone about what I feel about what “happened” and what I feel about you right now. I just want to give you a big tight hug and never let go… for a moment. For months I’ve been avoiding you, and I regret ignoring and taking you for granted. If it’s any consolation, I deserve to feel like shit right now.
I’m really sorry for not being a friend to you when you needed one. My pride gets in the way every time. And V, no one ever knew how much I cared about you but you.
You are so impossible.
Just know that I tried to put myself out there and I got nothing from you.
It consumes you.
Last night, I had the chance to talk to one of my closest friends across the seven seas. We were catching up with each other and talked about how different our lives were now than it were before. It all boiled down to one question that I always hated hearing from people. “What are you gonna do after college?”
I froze at the very moment that question was to my face. It felt like I was sent to a war without bullets in my guns. I was never sure how to answer that question. Pretty much my face would give an obvious answer that is “I-fuckin’-don’t-know-dude” face.
Okay, to be honest, this course wasn’t my first choice. It never hit my head that I’d be in this situation where I am uncertain of my future. My whole life, I’ve always thought of being certain on what I want to be -a doctor. I was a hundred percent sure that I will take up Biology and enter med school. But things changed when I left Biology for this course. All I know is that I want to get over college with. Yes, it’s fun and all but I am not experiencing self-actualization with the things I do. And, I guess, today it hit me that I am not enjoying what’s in front of me.
Clearly, my answer to my friend’s question wasn’t a foolproof lie. It was more of a shit crap. I was saving myself from being judged and stereotyped as one of those I-don’t-know-what-to-do-after-college kids. So I blurted out, “You know what, I am not sure of what I want to do with my life. But don’t worry. I got plan A, B, and C figured out.
Plan A: Take a second degree (BS Psychology or BS Biology) and go to med school.
Plan B: Work my ass off with whatever job I get with this course. Get masteral degree at the same time too
Plan C: Study abroad. Marry some rich guy there. Go back home.
I cringe every time I get the idea that I might regret not going to med school. All my life, I thought I was going to end up as a doctor. Turns out my plans got re-arranged and I am trusting Him with whatever His plan is for me. I seriously just don’t want to regret not taking every opportunity laid out for me out there.
I am taking an exchange program to Japan next year. I am, in every way, excited about this experience. But first, I have to take Hapon 10 class and make sure that my grades are up. This should be pretty easy, I shall work my ass off for the remaining semester. I need to get UNO FLATS this sem! I have to get my ass to that place. I need this experience to wake me up once again.
Anyway, if you are confused as hell as to what to do with your life after college, do not fret. You are not alone. There are millions, if not billions, of college freshmen every year who doubt about what the future might bring them. We just happen to be one of them. Others are lucky to find happiness and stability in their chosen field of study while the rest are still out there searching for reasons and meaning to their lives. Sadly. we’re still one of them. But whatever happens, He has control over everything. He shall do the trick when life decides to fuck us again.
Always,
Me.
Just a thought.
I’d rather wait for my hair to grow back than to wait for you to come back. Growing my mane will be ridiculously more exciting than waiting for you.
December, please come sooner.
If it’s 2AM just go to sleep because the decisions you make after 2AM are wrong decisions.
Let that be a golden rule to all.
I feel my best when I’m trying hard.
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Today, I realized.
…that some things need to change for us to grow up.
- Yes, some lines may be severed and some friends may grow apart, but it’s just part of life.
- And even though we lose some friends along the way, you are yet to discover those who stuck with you since from the start.
- In high school, you meet your true friends.
- And in college, you will know who stuck with you through thick or thin. (Wait, it’s the same as the other one)
- High school is still the best part of life. I love my friends and I miss them so much.
I will write a blog about friendship after this hell week. Hope you guys are having an awesome day. I will get a big juicy burger by the end of the week. So stoked for it!
Don’t believe your report cards
(Speech delivered by Dr. Antonio Miguel Dans (GS 1971, HS 1975) to the graduating class of Ateneo High School batch 2007 on April 1, 2007 at the AHS covered courts.)
Fr. Hizon, revered faculty, graduates of Class 2007, parents, relatives, and friends, good evening.
I would like to thank all of you for the rare privilege of speaking to the graduating HS class of Ateneo.
Let me start by asking the graduates to stand up and take an oath with me. Please stand.
“I/ state your name/ hereby greet you all/ a Happy April Fool’s Day.” Thank you. You may now take your seats.
Pasensya na kayo kasi pang-anim na akong nagsalita at inaantok na kayong lahat. Konting pampagising lang. Where’s 4C? Ahhhh my favorite class. They’re the only ones who know me, so let me start by telling you about myself.
This is a good read.
Motivated Forgetting
Motivated forgetting occurs when people forget something because it is so painful or anxiety-laden that remembering is intolerable. (Santrock, 2005)
When all else fails, play dead.
That’s what I did today and I’ve never felt so contented in life. You should try it too.
